Posted on

A Very Angry Running Log

As documented, I’ve been keeping track of the running exercises that the family has been doing.  Everybody is doing fantastic and getting better.  They all especially enjoyed the “mini-marathon” that the Central Elementary put on as a fund raiser.

This is were I start getting angry!

We were hoping to also let them run in the Pleasant Grove Strawberry Days 5K this summer.  Julie did some checking into the registration and we will no longer be participating.   Apparently the ba***rds involved think that it costs them $20 per participant to run along their city streets!?!

How the hell am I supposed to be able to afford $100 to let five family members run?  $100 to use your public streets for 45 minutes?!? What are those costs covering??   Running requires no actual costs in equipment, nor any specialized skills.  There are no hard costs involved since your roads being used are already paid for through the taxes you take.  Can any reason justify $20 PER PERSON to participate in an event with no inherent costs?

Old Running Shoes

Almost every city runs some kind of ‘town days’ event in order to bring out their citizens and provide them with some activities to enjoy together.  Strawberry Days is one of those events, and is one of the longest running ‘town days’ in Utah.  It is meant for community involvement! It isn’t a business endeavor or private event.   Yet I’ve seen private for-profit running events, at much nicer venues, that cost less!

We know there are many events that are costly to put on that we can’t take advantage of.  But running?  We should be able to afford that!!  Are you intentionally trying to keep the poorer members of the community out?  You have priced out any struggling members of this community!  Or is this also a fundraising event instead of one intended to increase community involvement?

‘Running’ a Scam!

So I’m a bit angry.  The historical purpose for these town days events has apparently been abandoned.  It is no longer about bringing people together in mutual activity.  Or at least those activities are only made available to those with better financial fortunes than the Jensens have.

I know this is a minor ‘first-world-problem’ thing, and that many people with financial problems have it much worse than I do.  But I’m mad on their behalf too.  How many people would like to participate in this type of should-be-affordable community event, but can’t because the “community” has priced them out of it?  There are so few entertainments that poor people get to do or participate in.   Running should be within their financial reach!

Maybe I need to retake an anger management course, but I can’t tell you how utterly ridiculous I find this pricing.  I’ve fluctuated between smolderingly mad and blinding rage.

Your streets are not that great PG, it is not some great prestigious event to run on them.  No fame comes to the winner and no glory is bestowed by the heavens.  How about next year you keep your community events at a price point that doesn’t cut out your community?

Deep breaths Jax, keep taking deep breaths and relax.

 

Posted on

Book Review: The Upstairs Room

The Upstairs Room by Johanna Reiss

I am trying to improve my free time.  What better way to improve my free time than to read more?  It is a little difficult to read with multiple children crawling over me and vying for my attention.  That’s okay, this super woman can do it all.  And so I will be giving brief book reviews as I complete each book.  (Don’t expect them too often, but as long as I am encouraging my kids to read more this summer, I will too.)

This week I finished The Upstairs Room by Johanna Reiss and I would highly recommend it.  Suggested for 8-12 year old readers, it was insightful for adults as well.

Introduction by the author

“This book is about my life, or rather part of my life, the part that took place in Holland during the Second World War.   In this book I have gone back to those years when I was a child, and Jewish, and therefore undesirable, when I had to hide from the Germans.

I have not tried to write a historical book, although it may have some historical value.  What I did try to write was a simple , human book, in which my sister an I suffered and complained, and sometime found fault with the Gentile family that took us in for a few years, in which the members of that family were not heroes but people, with strengths and weaknesses.           -Johanna Reiss”

STYLE

I had a hard time with the book’s literary style.  It is neither a “diary” nor a story with proper dialogue.  It isn’t even written in a “my memory” format.  Instead, the author writes in first person, and mixes thoughts and dialogue in a confused and vague manner.  However, once I familiarized myself with this slightly confusing style, I became enthralled with the message.

Content

The book roughly covers a four year period beginning in 1940 when Germany invaded Holland.  The narrator, Annie de Leeuw, is 8 years old when the German occupation puts her Jewish family in danger.  After two years, they separate and go into hiding.  Annie (now age 10) and her older sister, Sini (20), head to a farming community together and spend the next two years hiding upstairs.

The book is fairly uneventful, although tension mounts when the Nazi’s move their headquarters downstairs.  Even so, the author draws the reader into the world she experienced and had hoped to forget.  I found myself wondering how I would do in a similar circumstance.  Would I be brave and defiant?  Or weak and fearful?

The author genuinely moved me.  I ached for these young girls who never got to go outside to play, never got to make friends, and who had so little exercise that their muscles atrophied.  I felt their hopelessness as each season passed with no sign of deliverance.  And when the Allies finally arrived and liberated their village, the author does a marvelous job of helping me feel the girl’s trepidation to leave the house after such a long confinement.

As I read I found myself constantly stopping and asking Jax: “What would this be like?  If you could only have one book while in hiding, what would it be?  Can you imagine two months in bed just to stay warm and undetected?  How would it feel to just leave the house after such a long isolation?  How would it be to find out your neighbors had hidden Jews for two years?  What would it be like…”

Recommendation

I give The Upstairs Room 10 out of 12 buttered rolls.  It is a thought provoking book and the content is presented in an appropriate manner for children.  However, I suggest you read it before offering it to your child so you are able to discuss it together.  And be aware it is not in an easy to read, “novel” format.

Posted on

Julie Gets a New Hobby!

I think Jax felt inspired last week.  He started a blog post for me and left me to it.  However, I am finding the task a little harder than I thought it would be.  But I find joy in the challenge and I feel that this will become and enjoyable hobby.

So what is this new devilry you ask?

Writing Book Reviews!!!

History

In a past life, I was a student.  And man did I enjoy that time.  I studied English/Literature at SUU and received my Bachelor’s Degree the December before I married Jax.  I had begun looking at options for getting my Master’s Degree but motherhood was always my first goal and I have not regretted one minute of my decision to become a mom instead of a professor.

I have used my love of reading and writing a bit throughout the years, but nothing serious.  My college professors turned me into a literary snob.  It took me a number of years to read fun literature again.  And truthfully, I still prefer a the classics 8 out of 10 times.

books, books, and more books

But as my children grew, I found I needed to read what they were reading so I could guide them towards the “better” books.  I read all of the Narnia books with them, and spent years reading Magic Treehouse books.  I tried Junie B. Jones and decided that she was not going to be allowed in my home; Ramona Quimby still holds my heart.  We read Fablehaven as a family.  And although I can’t stand Diary of A Wimpy Kid, I let the kids check them out and read them.

As you can imagine, my reading time is somewhat limited.  Eight munchkins take time to raise.  But I do manage to steal a few minutes a week to keep my mind agile.  So when I finished my book last week, Jax asked me to write a review.  “Sure!  Sounds fun!  How hard can it be?”

Very Hard

Did I mention I’m a literary snob?  Well those same professors taught me to write essays, NOT reviews.  Who cares how I feel?  Back up all statements with quotes, facts, expert opinions.  So after four or so drafts, Jax came to the rescue again.  He gave me his version of a review based on my essay and I went from there.

So, that’s the plan.  Read as much as I can and share my thoughts and feelings.  Wish me luck!!!

Posted on

I Lied!

I Lied

He lied too, didn't he?

Can you forgive me?

I had said that I would share about my depression and PTSD in hopes of helping others.   It turns out that that sentiment isn’t entirely true.  There have been a few posts that I have written that upon re-reading are just too personal for me to make public.   I’m just not comfortable sharing some things yet.

I still have them saved OR I have published them as “private” where only I can read them.   I kept them so that the stories and record of my feelings persist.  And perhaps in the future when some time has passed I’ll be comfortable sharing them.  But for now they are mine alone.

I Lied, But Isn’t It Understandable?

Hopefully my reluctance to share some things makes sense to everyone.   Are you willing to share everything about YOU? Probably not, right?   So surely it is understandable that I am reluctant to share some things that are emotionally sensitive and that are negatively stigmatized.

Yes, I lied to you.  But you still love me, right?

 

Posted on

Another Weight Loss Attempt

It is time again for another doomed-to-fail weight loss attempt. Why Do I Do This To Myself?

It’s Glaringly Obvious!

Every time I look in a mirror, try to walk up a flight of stairs, or attempt to pick something up off of the ground, it is obvious why I need to lose weight.  I’m a big, fat, slug of a man.  The pain sucks. My back can’t handle the stress the weight causes.  I’ve consistently gained 10lbs a year since getting injured.  I don’t expect I could make it to my 50’s if don’t reverse course.

If I want to see my kids grow up or get married than I have to make weight loss a priority.  If I would like to be able to remain mobile much longer than I must shed some pounds.  I’d really love to be able to stop using my cane.  If I continue to balloon then eventually my ankles, knees, or back will just give out and I’ll be in really bad shape.  It should be glaringly obvious that if I want any quality of life that changes need to happen.

But I Also Have No Idea!

While it IS glaringly obvious that I need to lose weight, I simultaneously have no idea why I do this to myself.  I have tried and failed so many time that I have no confidence that I can succeed.  Does another attempt make any sense if I have anticipate failure?  Yes, the results seem desirable and worth the effort; No, they don’t seem achievable.

But hey, would I really be “me” if I didn’t occasionally try insanely stupid things that seem doomed to failure from the beginning?  Maybe it’s time for a “Here, hold my beer Sprite” type of moment.

Weight Loss Efforts

I will not be doing anything drastic.  I will be trying to combine a small change in what I eat (my “diet”) with a small increase in exercise.

What I eat (diet)

I think the biggest effect could come from just a slight amount of self-control, namely, not eating or snacking after scriptures/bedtime for the kids.  This usually happens around 9pm at our house, but I routinely consume a significant number of calories after this time.   Eliminating this “after hours” eating could/should have the biggest impact on my weight loss.

I don’t usually have much of a breakfast, due mostly to morning back pain keeping me in bed until after normal breakfast hours.  I know breakfast is “the most important meal of the day,” but this probably won’t change.  My morning consumption however has already been changed from cereal or bacon/eggs into a fruit/veggie juice.

Julie and I bought a Champion Juicer that we love.  We’ve had one for years (replaced after each fire).  Julie has been making fresh juices for us most mornings as breakfast.  The juicer tears apart the cells releasing the nutrients rich contents and eliminating the pulp/cell membrane.

A typical juice for two would include:

3 apples

1/10 of a pineapple

1/2 cup of mixed berries (blueberries, strawberry, raspberry, etc)

2 carrots

1/2 cucumber

1/2 stalk of celery

1 serving of some type of squash (zucchini, crook necked, etc)

small handful of spinach or kale (kale is bitter, use sparingly)

There are numerous books, websites, blogs, etc. that give you other recipes that are great.   This one is kind of Julie’s go-to recipe.  Just run it all through the juicer, stir, and enjoy.  You can get a full days nutrients from just one glass of fresh juice.  And it is easier than trying to eat that quantity of produce.

Exercise

This one has always been tough.  The chronic pain makes everything hard.  Combined with seeing how much ability I’ve lost, it becomes is very depressing.   How do I overcome that?

I had always played a variety of sports that would have me running and jumping.  But my weight and back problems don’t let me do either of those.  AT ALL!   Thankfully it is summer now, which provides an easy way to neutralize my massive weight: swimming.

Being in water relieves the stress that the weight puts on my body.  It doesn’t hurt my leg joints nor my back.  The plus side of having this much blubber is it’s buoyancy!  The local Pleasant Grove pool is only open in summer, and so I am looking forward to taking advantage of our family pass.

The downside to swimming though is that in order to breath one must keep ones head out of the water.  I’ve found that the arch in my back that this requires creates a more-than-acceptable level of pain.  So in years past I haven’t swam either.

I’m ashamed to say it took me 9 years to solve the problem of breathing with my face underwater.

My magical breathe-under-water device.  A snorkel and mask!

I don’t know why this “new technology” eluded me for so long, but I’m happy to say that I can now swim, pain free.   Shoulder surgeries has left them weak which could be a problem with swimming too.  Happily, I’ve found that also using fins give me plenty of propulsion to keep me at the surface without engaging my arms (the blubber helps too!).

So I can avoid back pain, rest my arms/shoulders when tired, and can get some exercise!  I am thrilled and excited about this.

Optimism

I’m leery that something will go wrong.   In the last few years something always seems to for me.  But I am more cautiously optimistic.  Not necessarily that I’ll lose weight, but that I can at least increase my activity level without a corresponding increase in pain.

If I can exercise, and if I can control what I eat, perhaps the weight loss will come.  If weight loss can occur, perhaps the pain will decrease (or disappear?).  And if I can be healthy and if the pain goes away, perhaps the depression/anxiety/PTSD will get better too.   That is far too many if‘s for me to be hopeful, but maybe feeling doomed to failure isn’t realistic either.

So wish me luck.  Words of encouragement are always welcome.  Prayers are appreciated.  Feel free to ask me how it is going.  I need the accountability.

And please, stop running away and screaming when I take my shirt off at the pool.  That could make a person feel bad you know 🙂