I have some bad news. I know that this will come as some surprise to you. It certainly caught me off guard. Sit down if you must, but brace yourself. Here we go…
IT TURNS OUT I’M FAT!
I don’t know how it happened, but it did. I’m sorry for springing it on you like that. I could swear I went to bed last night at a trim 205, but when I awoke this morning I was a bit more than that. Well, more than a bit. Some. Okay, lots. Fine, like a LOT more.
I tip the scales at just under 310 right now. People tell me all the time I don’t look like I weigh that much, but I do. My large frame hides the pounds well I guess. But it takes the same effort (and pain) to move this much weight around whether I look 300-plus pounds or not. “Not looking” 300 pounds doesn’t help my joints feel better.
I’m not sure where the line is drawn for “morbidly obese” but I imagine I’m probably getting pretty close to it. If I want to be around to see kids get married or to play with grandkids then I probably ought to do something about my weight. And I should do it soon.
The Weight Problem(s)
The issue with my weight gain is that I am experiencing a high level of pain most of the time. Right around 205 is where my weight was when I was in the Army and healthy. Since my back pain started in 2008 my weight has steadily climbed to where it is today. The pain causes vastly reduced activity levels.
Adding to the issue is that I get depressed about the chronic pain and the thought that it’ll likely never go away. Also, I have PTSD from some events while serving in the Army. Stress is a common source of weight gain. Over eating is a common tactic to distract from the pain/stress/anxiety that I’m feeling.
The Weight Solution(s)
I wish I had an easy solution. The two things most people mention when they talk about losing weight is diet and exercise. Exercise is possible, but almost always comes with an increase in pain level. When just walking to the mailbox is sometimes crippling, how do I set an exercise routine or schedule?
And diet? I could change what I eat, but in moments of mental distress I know that I’ll cheat. Getting rid of the negative thoughts or emotions will probably always take precedence over the calorie count. I know it sounds stupid (even to me) but eating is a distraction from life’s problems.
The Weight Resolutions
So… what do I do? If I can’t commit to exercising regularly due to back pain and headaches, and can’t commit to “dieting” due to moments of mental distress, what options are left to me?
Just letting myself continue to balloon doesn’t seem like a good option. I’ve made new commitments to getting myself the treatment I need for mental wellness, wouldn’t it be a shame to expose myself to a whole host of new physical ones?
So at this point all I’ve been able to make a resolution about is to get healthier by losing weight. The method of doing that is still open for discussion. As always, encouragement and ideas are welcome. Also feel free to share this if you think you know someone who could offer good advice.
For comedic relief,
This is what I feel like each Sunday getting dressed for church!